Entry BM pertamaku..

"Barangsiapa ditimpa musibah dalam hartanya atau pada dirinya lalu dirahsiakannya dan tidak dikeluhkannya kepada siapapun maka menjadi hak ke atas Allah untuk mengampuninya." (HR. Ath-Thabrani)

Aku percaya pada Allah.. pada janji kekasih-Nya.. hari ini pertama kali dalam hidup aku, aku rasa begitu terhimpit.. dada aku sempit, sesak, kecewa.. pada siapa? mungkin aku yang salah..

"KALAU KITA PERMUDAHKAN JALAN ORANG, ALLAH PERMUDAHKAN JALAN KITA"

of course, dah banyak buku motivasi aku baca, ceramah yang aku dengar, ayat-ayat tangkap hati la padia lagih.. tapi when this really happen to me.. I don't have any in my mind.. not abah, mak, kawan, kata2 motivasi whatsoever.. nobody to talk to.. Allah is the only way..

crying on the sajjadah won't do anything.. won't solve things.. yet I'm here telling everything to whoever happens to be coming across this post..

aku rasa ini satu ujian Allah kat aku, nak tengok aku betul pegang ke idok kat ayat yg aku bold kat atas..aku try tolong semua orang tapi.. that's my weakness.. it's hereditary ya, in my defence.. semua orang literary means siapa ja yang mintak tolong.. now it's getting back at me..

aku tak pernah menyesal tolong orang selama ni, aku ikhlas.. aku tak nak mintak balasan dari Allah mahupun sesiapa.. just that, dugaan ni besar sangat aku rasa sampai dada aku rasa cam kena himpit ja..

am I losing faith in humanity.. I realized that as long as human are exist, there will always be two sides.. even in that two sides,, there are a lot of streams and types of people in it..

I lose hope.. Allah please help me find my door out.. even window or rat-hole will always do for me..

-desperate..-

I know I haven't been posting anything in a while.. well,, I've been busy as ever especially before the school holiday,, the kids were having their exam ; which mean us teachers need to prepare the exam papers and also to mark them before the school holiday.. ok,, finished excusing (haha) ..now to the main topic : THE EID HATER !!

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I've lost somewhat Eid feeling since I don't know when.. this year I only got myself a pair of baju kurung (traditional Malay attire)..

And this year is the most not-so-awesome Eid Day I've experience in my whole life !! ( I'm avoiding the usage of improper words, since I'm sooo hating the topic)

why ? it's because :

• I caught a fever
• I lost my voice (so I can't speak >.<)
• I only have a pair of baju kurung
• I tried to make some cookies,, and the result are U.N.S.A.T.I.S.F.Y.I.N.G !!
• Eid just not my favourite day..thats all ~

the only things I love about Eid was,, we got to eat really yummy homemade cookies from our friends and relatives houses... ( ha ha ha)

I made a greeting card just to appreciate my friends for their wishes..and they told me its cute..kekeke~
actually I edited a wallpaper I got from a website..! =^.^=v

some of the words were in Malay language..sorry if you didn't understand it..

so,, my Eid was just as it is.. seeYA !!

I don't feel like posting anything like this, but a lot of things happening around me make concern a lot. I've said in a post before that I feel some kind of responsibility towards the community..So, here we go ..

"I won't ever divorce you ! DO. YOU. HEAR. ME !!!"

That's the last time my husband ever came home. If anybody ever known us will only recognize our happily married life and even envied us. Yes, I'm the second wife and also have a nice relationship with my husband's first wife. Our children were also friends with each other. They even went to same schools.

That's enough to cover up the bitterness in our marriage. That's why people were shocked when I'm filing ' fasakh '. People were saying this and that just because I'm a second wife. I even received a message from the first wife saying that it serve me right that my marriage is at its end now.

I managed my husband motel from the paint color to the decorative plants outside the motel..and the business card was even write on my name and phone number so that customers was always keep in touch with me for any business..my husband didn't want to divorce me because of my business woman talent and also he don't want to split the money to me..

Remembering how I end up marrying my husband 17 years ago, he seem like a nice guy with nice manner. He helped me a lot with my financial problem. I'm just a young girl back then struggling with money issues to helped my parents. I have 6 siblings more that were still in school.

I'm actually already engaged with a young guy back then, that's why I didn't very much gave my attention to my husband. But his attention and affection for me caught my heart. He has never gave up even though I never reply his love..serve me right to turn my ex-fiance for this monster !

But now its changed.. he still coming home on my turn and went to first wife house for her turn, which make me wonder how did he even have time to spend with his new girlfriend..for the last two years he's been seeing a 25 years old girl who is younger than his eldest son! I even get to know this because the girl called me telling that she's been sleeping with my husband at hotels, motels and chalet for the last two years.

My husband has even bank-in an enormous amount of money for her holiday ! even if my husband was rich man, I've never thought he would be that stupid. That girl was clearly trying to leech on him.

My niece is that girl junior in primary school and she was shocked to know this because the girl has already have a boyfriend. She knows that because they keep in touch sometimes when she met them at mall and some places too..

I tried to tell my husband and he tried to beat me..and that the end.. I'll do anything so that I'll free from that monster !


ps : the niece is me ~ ~=.=~

Twenties ,, two-en-tee ?

Last week,, 27.6,, I turned twenty years old.. my mom said she get married at this age and gave birth to me 2 years later.. so she told me ( kinda 'ASK' me ) to tell her if I have someone I like (or love).. and I have never even have one.. =..=

I was like feeling something coming out of the nose...and it's my nose hairs..hahaha..just joking..even cancer patients wont have their nose hairs fall out like that..!

Since I currently teaching at a private secondary school,, so I didn't even have time to celebrate my birthday.. ~=.=~

I told my cousin (he's a guy) about that and he said, adult don't have time for silly things as that. Ok, now a piano fall on my head.. (zombieland famous zombiekilling af the day)

I even don't feel like opening my Facebook page because the hundreds of wishes from my friends just reminded me how old I am and how I can be playful anymore. Since I look so depressed, one of my students ask me why and I told him that.. You know what he told me back ?

He told me I look like a cat and a rabbit..If he were to have wife, he would want a wife like me !! haha.. I can't believe an 8 years old boy just made my mood up..

and I know even if my adult cousin said adults mean more responsibility and least fun..I'll just be my own adult..a fun but responsibility adult !

I drew something to thank my friends wishes on my Facebook wall.. what you think ?

Sexual Harassment ?

Today I've encountered a new situation I've never experienced before. I don't even know how to put this into words but despite my anger, I'll try to tell it rationally and politely.. =.=!

I checked on my Facebook message inbox this morning just to find out a maniac pervert was saying something explicit and unacceptably sexual oriented.

He without any sense of shame for we don't really know each other just asking straightforwardly to do sex with me !

I was super furious at that time, and freezing in terror ..I even feel like choking on my own saliva and end up gasping for air..

This guy I thought, was super desperate or what ? Or is there any psychological term that I might don't know of regarding his act ?

Urgh ! I wasn't thinking anything else other than to screen-capture the chatbox and post it on my Facebook wall.. oh ,, and BLOCKING and REPORTING him for sexual harassment.

My male friends was showing their concern and disgust over this guy who's they stated as "the shame of homo sapiens" !

Guys,, please.. girls are not sex toy !! we do have dignity to respect even if you don't have some !

So,, what do you think ? Is he really the shame of homo sapiens ? or is there really some medical explanation on this ? ( other than crazy of course.. =.= )

Betrayed ..

This is a true story of a girl that has been betrayed by her 5 years bestfriend. The reason is unknown to the betrayed unfortunate friend. But this is the story from third point of view. Here goes ..

Tia tried to make her friend understand that bringing a cellphone itself is forbidden at the hostel they're staying, let alone messaging with boyfriend.
     "Hana, eat your food ! you'll get us in big trouble,"whispered Tia.
     "i'm eating..here, see..I'll be okay, you're just overeacting you know.." said Hana chuckling.
Another friend in Tia's group, Luna tried her part,
     "Hana, its a manner to eat properly and put aside cellphones while eating at the table with everyone else. Besides, other people might look at you. What if you get caught, you'll get us all in trouble. For once, can't you just listen to people ? We are your friends.. "
      "I don't need friends. My boyfriend understand me more than you guys do and I'll only need him ! "

And thus starting that day, she don't even care anything else except her cellphone and her boyfriend. She totally ignored her friends. Tia can't forgive herself that all this started because of her. She talked Hana to buy a new cellphone because Hana didn't have one. Hana's mother always called Hana using Tia's cellphone and for the last 5 years, Hana also called her mother using Tia's cellphone.

Since they will be going to school trip, Tia thought that it's time for Hana to have her own cellphone for taking photos and for calling her mother ( her mother actually called every 30 minutes to check on her).

After two weeks, she started to change. She dates a guy she's never met once. The guy only mistaken her number for his friend's and they started dating. She even talks about intimate things a girl shouldn't talk to a guy. And this things concerned Tia.

5 month later, they're still not talking. It's about a two weeks before their big exam.. Teachers stop coming to classes and let students to study their own. Tia realizes that her friend who is sitting next to her hasn't been talking to her for weeks and keep avoiding her. Same goes with her friends that is sitting in front of her and some friends from other classes too.

She tried to talk to them but they just smile or answering half-heartedly and avoided her.

One day, a week before exam an incident happened that revealed Hana's trueself. A student from other class which is Hana and Tia's hostel mate come crying and searching for Hana. She came with a group of her classmates, attracting attention from other classes at the building.

Hana had started a very mean rumour saying that the girl has lost her virginity to her boyfriend and so on. So the girl keep her rationals that left to ask her who told her that.
      "since we're not that close, how did you know that ?" ask that girl sobbing.

Girls and boys gathered around them like bees. She started to point to one of her classmates. She said ..
      "isn't you talked about it ? i don't really remember who said that. I think its you .."

The scene last at that only because a teacher ask them to go back to their own classes. But the scene does a big impact to everyone. People started to ask Tia if she knows anything about the incident since Hana was her bestfriend (once).

The classmate that has been accused at the scene came to Tia's class and confessed that Hana told her that Tia borrowed RM 300 from Hana and didn't want to return it. After that Tia's other classmates also come and confessed to her what Hana had told them.

This made Tia became so sad because she loved Hana and sacrificed a lot of things to her. She has never did what Hana did to her and she never thought Hana would do something like that.

The conflict became more complicated and it involved the whole hostel and friends from other classes. Hana has even did childish things such as mocking Tia's friends and wrote silly things at walls and tables.

The day of the big exam arrived and 10 minutes before taking the first paper, students were hugging each other and asking for forgiveness from their friends.

Tia was about to step into the exam hall when someone called her. Hana came accompanied by a girl from her class to ask for Tia's forgiveness. Since everybody was looking at her, she has no choice but to forgive Hana. Hana make it look sincere by hugging Tia.

After the exam's over, Hana never spokes to Tia once and she still with her same habit. Tia has gotten used to it. They has been friends for 5 years and everytime they had conflict and they made up with each other, Hana will never changed.

This is their greatest conflict and Tia still hasn't forget it...

So what you think Tia should do if you're her ?

Kampong Girl I am

I've told everybody that I'm proud to be a ' kampong girl ' or you guys might refer as the country girl in English .. Proves :

1.         I've brought my best friends ( and my ex-best friend ) to my grans house since I'm 13 and schooling at a boarding school .. I'm still bringing them ( except for my exs ) ..

2.       I've never been embarrass by my village even though some people do and some people thought I should have ( I'm proud though )

3.       I've always brought my friend into the woods to feel somewhat a ' back to nature ' feeling .. Haha ~

Last two weeks my friends and I have gone to the mangrove plantation ( kinda  swampy area near the sea with lotsa mud ) with my granny to dig ( or hunt ) the shells called ' siput ' in Malay ..

play dirt yall !

 And yep .. We as much as I can say without any much of experience in that field of 'work ' got a worth to be proud of results ..

And .. Its like 70 % my granny's effort and 30 % all 4 of us effort ,, and  it included 5 % luck ( at least for inexperienced us .. Hahah! )

# haaa… how I love my village .. Of course … I'm ' the kampong girl ' ..